Jakamus Crouch lived in a clock. Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say he lived in the tower in the middle of Upton Hollow that held a clock. The tower was 10 feet more narrow at the bottom than it was at the top, and rose an impressive five stories, but looked even taller because it stood by itself without any other buildings within fifty feet by which to compare height. At the top of the tower was a spectacularly ornate clock that had 2 too many hands and always ran 3 minutes fast. The clock face was so large and the bottom of the tower so narrow that indeed it looked like it might topple over at any moment. And living inside the tower, right behind the clock, was Jakamus Crouch…
The people of Upton Hollow would tell you that they all kept to themselves, and I suppose that was true if you turned a blind eye to the remarkable amount of gossip that at times seemed to keep the town alive. Nothing new ever happened in Upton Hollow, so the only real entertainment anyone enjoyed was any morsel of news they could squeeze out of their limited neighbors.
This news would circulate like wildfire. Like the time Millicent St. Cathpoole accidentally locked the cat outside overnight. She discovered the poor, shivering feline before the sun had risen, but not before Charles Spurgen had seen it during his morning milk run. Half the town had heard about Millicent’s error by breakfast, and the entirety of Upton Hollow was talking about it by lunch.
But sure, they all kept to themselves.
The truth of the matter was, since Upton Hollow was so small, and nothing new ever happened there, everyone effectively knew everything about everyone.
Except Jakamus Crouch.
Everyday, he would descend from the clock in his tower wearing a vivid blue jacket and a red vest with black embroidery. A long, gold chain always hung across his front that was attached to a pocket watch that everyone knew didn’t work – but that didn’t stop Jakamus from checking it at least ten times a day.
He would wander the town, stopping first for coffee or tea – depending on his mood – at the Stained Doily before making his way to the Common at the end of High Street where he would pull out a brilliantly colored leather bound book and start to read. No one knew what he was reading because none of the books ever had a title on its cover, and no one had ever seen him reading the same book twice.
Even on the sunniest of days in the middle of summer, he always carried a large, black umbrella with a hooked handle. According to Geraldine Fitzsimonly, she had once asked Jakamus why he always carried this umbrella. According to Geraldine he had said, “Because one should always be prepared for the unexpected.” Not many people believed Geraldine’s story because if there’s one thing everyone knew it’s that Jakamus Crouch hated question.
Hate might be a strong word. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say he didn’t entertain questions, but then, he didn’t entertain much of anything. Try and talk to him and he would likely start to wander away before you had gotten ten words out.
It was common to come upon Jakamus feeding ducks down by the lake, or enjoying a private picnic on a worn tartan blanket atop the hill that overlooked the abandoned train tracks that ran out of town. The lake was too silty for most of Upton Hollow’s residents to swim in, and no trains had come into town for as long as anyone could remember, so Jakamus was usually guaranteed his privacy, but the second he saw he was not alone he would pack up his things and make his way to leave before anyone had the chance to make a comment about the weather.
Given all you’ve heard now about Jakamus Crouch, it might surprise you to learn that despite his stand offish and quiet demeanor, Jakamus Crouch always looked like he was smiling. Not a big, tooth grin like some fools might sport, but a subtle smile that made its way up to his vivid, green eyes and made them sparkle so brilliantly they sometimes looked blue.
It’s true, he only spoke when he felt he absolutely must, like when he ordered his morning tea or coffee at the Stained Doily, but when he did speak he seemed so amused by himself and the people he was interacting with that he couldn’t help but laugh. I wish I had a way to convey to you what his laughter was like, but alas, anything short of hearing it for yourself will not do. Suffice to say, no one has ever heard Jakamus Crouch laugh and failed to join.
His spirited energy yet mysterious behavior made Jakamus one of the most interesting and talked about people in all of Upton Hollow. As is the way with such towns, stories about Jakamus Crouch were often told then repeated with very little reconnaissance devoted to ascertaining the origins of such stories. With time, the line between what was fact and what was fabrication became harder to draw, but honestly most of the citizens of Upton Hollow didn’t particularly care. Jakamus Crouch was the most interesting person in town, and that was that.
My advice is this: don’t trust anything you hear about Jakamus Crouch. That includes everything that I just told you…
Life In Hyperbole 