…

10 years is an awfully long time.  A lot has happened in the last decade.  It therefore seems to me a little odd to make a list of the “bests” and “worsts” of the decade.    From my life the moment that had the greatest affect on my decade was of course 9/11.  Beyond that I can’t commit to anything as being a “best” or “most.”  Even Harry Potter, the boy wizard’s saga technically started in 1998.

Ugh it’s hard to write a post when I suddenly realize I have nothing of value to say.  I am getting a tad nostalgic about this past year, I saw a montage earlier and it triggered the memories.  I’m kind of sad that I’m not spending today with anyone I would like to.  The bf is at work until I leave for work and then most everyone else is home for the holidays.  So I’m picking up the apartment and then going to work.

I did at least get to wake up to snow this morning.  The world is a beautiful shade of white, however this afternoon it’s supposed to switch to rain.  Not cool.  Maybe it will keep my restaurant from having to be open for too late.

I’m gonna work on my resolutions today.  I don’t really like resolutions, and I don’t like to make huge goals so much as small changes.  The one thing I can guarantee is after I get back from AZ, the diet is changing.  I have been putting an awful lot of horrible stuff into my body recently…but it’s the holidays!

I really wanted to write, which is why the update exists, but I had nothing to say!  That’s annoying.

The New Years Post

It is time for my year-end post.  I think I have made it pretty obvious that I am a nostalgic guy by nature.  So here we are, approaching the holiday that begs us to take a moment and reflect on the past year.  Lord knows I have to do it.

New Years has never been my favorite holiday.  I usually forget all about it until the day before (I’m too busy getting over the loss of Christmas).  However I really appreciate what New Years represents: a fresh start.

I am not sad to see the end of 2009.  It has not been the greatest year for me.  Actually I don’t think that it was a great year for anyone.  There was an awful lot of hardship and loss that made this year downright depressing.  I mean I graduated in May and of the 10,000 speeches I had to sit through not a single one began with: “On this auspicious occasion…”

I won’t say that I had a horrible year (knock on wood).  My year was really more a matter of me coming to terms with reality, and I hit that reality like a brick wall.

My year:

I rang in the New Year with my family and friends in AZ with our traditional New Years Bunco party.

I had my last semester of College.  I anticipated that second semester was going to be incredible; I had no more academic classes, just acting and dance courses that I was actually excited about.  Further more I got very lucky by being cast in several school productions keeping my schedule full with things I liked doing.

However something about senior year stumped me.  I got scared of school ending and the safety net I had built for myself in my 4 years in Boston.  As hard as I tried to concentrate on the present my mind was freaking out about my uncertain future.

I can’t remember much about my last semester at Emerson beyond the fact that I was freaking out…and I was in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (a show that ended up being the saving grace of my sanity).  I wish I could remember that semester with more fondness than I can, but alas.

Then I graduated in May.  That is a very good memory.  My parents, my grandparents and my boyfriend all came up for the better part of a week to see my senior showcase (where I had as much fun as I could) and then saw when I was announced at graduation under the wrong name.

After graduation I spent a few weeks in Boston.  I’m glad I didn’t stay longer than that, because it was depressing and weird staying in that city that had meant so much to me after everyone I knew there had left.  My bf got cast in Charlie Brown in MA during that time, so we got to spend some time together which was really great.

Then I went home to Arizona for the better part of the summer.  I know that after you graduate it’s time to face the real world, join the working force, and step out on your own. I did the exact opposite.  I had never gone home for the summer since I left for college and I was really run down after that last semester, so I took a break.

The summer went by surprisingly fast considering I did NOTHING.  Well not nothing, I helped move my brother and his wife into their first home and I went with my family to Montana for an amazing week long celebration of our grandparent’s 60^th anniversary.

So now we’re up to August, which is when I moved to New York.  My first 2 months were spent pounding pavement (first looking for an apartment then finding a job).  I think I can safely call this the low point of my year.  Finding the apartment was a chore, moving in was a nightmare, getting everything to work inside it was a challenge.

As all my entries from this time also indicate, I was not a fan of the job search.  I started getting very nervous very quickly, it was the third time in my life where I wasn’t sure how I was financially going to get through on my own.

But I found a job, and then the last 3 months have been me working and auditioning and spending as much time with my boyfriend as possible.

So for me personally it has been a really tough year.  Things were harder for me than they ever had been before, but I learned from that and I grew from that.  I think I am a much stronger human being today than I was when I got off the bus in NYC 5 months ago.  Things have gotten easier for me, or at least I have learned how to make them easier.

The highlights of my year have one common theme, they were all about my friends and family.  The Best things that happened included:

Being in Little Whorehouse with all my best friends from college, and getting to celebrate with them on stage every day a kind of joy I had forgotten in my 4 years at college.  I rediscovered why I love musical theater because of them.

I freaking graduated from college!  That week I was in a showcase with my friends, and then we finally had a moment where we could fully unwind and not think of the consequences.

I spent a summer with my parents and my brothers and sister in law.  I couldn’t ask for more.

I spent a week with my family in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my life.  Sure it was maybe “a lot of family” for a week, but I have nothing but the best memories.

I got to reconnect with all of my friends from AZ.  I’ve missed them so much since we left for school, and I remember how much I love them every time we get to steal a night together.

I got to start connecting with people I went to school with who are also in NYC.  They are the support system I need in these turbulent times, and getting to talk to them so honestly without the apartheid of Emerson is wonderful.  Person best memories with this crew include seeing New Moon opening night, and a bar hop night we had about 2 weeks ago.

Having my parents come out and visit me for a week.  I miss my family more than anything, and getting to share with them the new experiences I’m having helped shed great light on how lucky I am.

Christmas with the bf’s family.  I think I’ve written enough on how great that was.

And then the personal best memory of 2009:

Moving in with my boyfriend.  We had to spend a year apart after he graduated, and it was the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  We made it work because not working was not an option.  Every time we got to see each other the visit was marred with a gloomy feeling because it was just a short visit and we were going to have to say goodbye again.

Finally, we got to move in with each other.  I think we deserved it.  There is no person I love living with more, because he accepts and understands who I am (sometimes better than me) and never complains.  He is a better person than I am and he constantly inspires me to be better.  And finally he amazes me everyday with his strength and his complete acceptance of who he is.

I love him so much, I don’t think I would have made it through this year without him there helping me every step of the way.

So I say adieu 2009, I look forward to shedding you and taking on a fresh new start with a fresh new decade.  (I just realized, this decade is ending!  How weird is that?)

PS, I almost put “Moving Day” as a best memory, because it was so ridiculously awful that it’s almost funny…but it’s not funny yet.

Silence is Golden, BS

I was in a writing mood yesterday, so I wrote this one and saved it to post today, that’s why there are a few references to time that might not make sense:

This post might be a little bit weird, because I’m not sure anyone else in the world feels the way I do about it.  Sometimes I just want to feel like I am connected to the world.

Its not unusual to feel lonely, even the largest city in the country is sometimes considered the loneliest.  Life is in many ways a constant attempt to fight loneliness.  We come into the world alone, we leave it the same way; we just want to have some company in the mean time.

I am now a product of my generation, and my generation suffers from overexposure.  I am used to being in touch with everything/one 24/7.  I carry around a link to the world wide web in the palm of my hand (iphone) and with one touch can check and see where everyone I know is, what they are doing, etc.

On Christmas I was on the bus back to New York, and I told my bf how I felt really out of touch with the world, because for that 4 hour journey I was stuck on a movie vehicle and incapable of getting anywhere else should the need have arisen.

It’s a mental thing.  A loss of control over where I was going, even though I was going where I needed to go.  (This is already starting to sound really abstract to me)

Today I woke up, unpacked, cleaned a bit, and then I sat down to unwind.  I REALLY wanted there to be a Christmas special on for me to watch, but as I wrote in my earlier post the thing I hate most about the day after Christmas is that all the holiday specials/commercials/movies end immediately.

Now I have the option of putting in a movie and watching that, but doing that feels like I would lose contact with the world.  At least on TV there is a shared feeling in someone else is watching with me somewhere in the world.

That might be a really weird, or lame thing to think, but I do feel a little lonely today.  I just had 4 days of family overload, and having grown up in a house that was almost always full of noise nothing comforts me more than a constant stream of chatter.  And just like Christmas, all that noise ended very suddenly for me today.

I have work tonight, and I know that it won’t be quiet there.  It’s just not as friendly of chatter as it is when you’re with your family.

When you type “loneliness, holidays” into Google, this is what pops up

The Day After Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas, which makes today one of the saddest days of the year.  I actually even feel like Christmas Day itself is sad.

The Christmas Season is what I get excited about.  The days filled with hot cocoa, Christmas tidings and specials and the best music in the world.  And then all at once it ends.

For me, Christmas has to continue into the early part of January.  I can’t go cold turkey.

This Christmas was really wonderful.  I went down to DC on Monday evening with the bf, and got to spend the entire week with his family.  It was calming, it was relaxing, we did practically nothing.  Tuesday we went grocery shopping for Christmas, Wednesday we wrapped presents, Christmas eve we went to PA to pick up his grandmother, then went to church.

Yesterday was a Christmas of new traditions.  At the bf’s on Christmas there was me, him, his brother and his gf, his parents, two grandmothers, a family friend and his girlfriend.  That would be 10 people.

We opened presents, and then me and the bf made Christmas dinner.  The menu included:

Honey baked Ham

Cornish Game Hens

Creamed Corn

Green Bean Casserole

Spinach Salad

Mashed Potatoes

Rolls

It was a feast!  We had to eat pretty early because our bus back was at 5:30, and we got back into the city around 9:30.  We took a taxi back to the apartment, and then headed out to get Chinese food.

It was our first Christmas together, and in a way we even had it together just the two of us in the city.  Having to leave on Christmas day was a real bummer, and it’s hard having to get back to reality, but this week was wonderful and I’m glad that everything worked out for us to be with family at Christmas.

I’m also jazzed that we still have second Christmas to look forward to!  We head out to AZ a week from monday to spend a week with my family.  The holidays are technically over by then, and all my friends are leaving the day before we get there, but I’m extremely grateful to still have that to look forward to.

What I am not looking forward to is working everyday but one until I leave.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Some of you may have heard that a pretty sizable snowstorm has hit the north east.  I am so happy about it!

It started snowing about an hour before I had to leave for work, so I was pretty stoked to get to romp out in the falling snow for a short while.

At my work we have windows for the better part of 2 sides of the restaurant, so literally the entire shift my coworkers and I were able to watch the storm progress.  It just started snowing harder and harder, and it still is showing no sign of letting up.

You can tell how much snow has come down by looking at the cars that have remained parked on the side of the street.  We have easily hit a foot already and it’s supposed to continue snowing all night and through most of tomorrow!

Coming home was a bit of a struggle.  I don’t know why so many people were on the subway tonight, it’s not as if they usually would have walked all the way to Queens.  But the subways were running REALLY slowly and infrequently, so it took forever to get back, and further more it was very uncomfortable.

I was offered a ride from one of my coworkers, but I felt that the streets were bad enough that I didn’t feel comfortable taking the ride.  A decision I am glad of because when I got to my neighborhood, the streets haven’t been plowed yet!  There are people stuck in their cars all over the place and I could have potentially been one of them.

It also appears no one has left their apartments today because the snow is beautiful and I was making footprints all the way to my front door.  I wouldn’t have left the apartment if I had the choice.

Now I’m an Arizona boy.  I have of course watched Christmas movies my whole life that take place in New England or the Midwest where there’s snow everywhere, people are struggling just to make it home.  Never really been my experience.  I haven’t experienced a white christmas in years, and I haven’t had one at home since I was 8.

Maryland (where I’m going on Monday to spend Christmas) just got dumped with 2 feet today!  I don’t think I am capable of voicing how excited I am!  It sure is beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I must go to bed now.  I work a double tomorrow, but then I am off to pack for a wintery holiday, I can’t wait.

I’ve posted this picture before, but the snow lining on the window makes it look so much better

Christmas in the City

I slept in so late this morning.  Yesterday was a catch up day, because the night before the bf and I went out with friends and woke up hurting enough to know that we had a good time the night before.  I’m really nervous about getting sick so I am overloading on vitamin c and I figured a real night of sleep wouldn’t be a bad thing.

The next few days I am fortunately going to be really busy with work.  I can’t wait for Monday night when I get to go down to DC for a few days with the bf’s family, and Christmas!  It took a lot of work but I managed to maneuver my schedule enough to leave town for the whole week.  I’m so excited.

So I was thinking about this recently, and by this I mean New York.  I moved to New York because it’s where I needed to be in order to pursue what I want to do.  If I wasn’t going into the field that I am I don’t think I would have found myself in this city.  I don’t really get when people move to New York so they can “live in New York.”  I just don’t get the draw of this city in that way.

I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m not in love with New York.  I don’t hate it by any stretch of the imagination, a lot of my problems with the city come with the fact that I’m still transitioning into my new city of residence.  But whenever I have the opportunity to escape the city for a short while, I get so excited.  It’s so peaceful everywhere else.

I’ve even started to shun TV shows that take place in New York.  When I have a moment in my apartment, the last thing I want to do is be reminded of the city and how crazy it is.  This is why I’ve been loving shows like Eastwick that take place in beautiful, suburban places.

The other day I had a day off and I was Christmas shopping or meeting with someone, or something to that effect when I had a realization.  I have never been bored since I moved to the city.  Granted there’s been a moment or two where I thought to myself “I need to get out of the apartment,” and almost immediately everytime that thought enters my head, an opportunity to do something has presented itself.

That is one of the reasons people move here.  The excitement, the constant list of things there are to do.  After that it just because an issue over how important it is to be constantly surrounded by distractions over having a moment of peace.

I have to say, in New York’s favor, I hate being bored.

I’m kind of sad that when I get back to the city the Christmas Season will be over.  I’ve loved the season in the city so far and would be ok with it going on forever.  At least the bf promised we could leave up the decorations for a little while longer!  He’s so good to me 😉

Oh and P.S. I was very upset with the end of So You Think You Can Dance.  Not only did my favorite dancer come in second, AGAIN, but the episode was really weird since the winner hurt himself early in the episode and couldn’t dance, and then turned out to be the least gracious winner I have ever seen

A stolen moment in time

From time to time I like to steal a moment from the world.  Just a brief period of time where I am alone and nothing can distract or jar me from the peace of that moment.  It best manifests itself in the late hours of the night after the world has gone to bed but I am still awake.

I haven’t had such a moment since I moved to New York.  I would most often experience them at home in Arizona after my family had gone to bed, but I wasn’t tired yet.  A sleeping house is the perfect venue for a stolen moment.

You see when the world is asleep you are free to enjoy a true moment of peace.  No one wants anything when they’re asleep, no one needs anything, and you can be alone and at peace with your own reality.

I walked into my apartment a few minutes ago after a long, fairly satisfying night at work, followed by an aggravatingly long commute home (thanks mta for putting up signs about construction that were incorrect), but when I walked in, the apartment smelled of pine and vanilla, the Christmas tree was still lit and all of a sudden I was struck by the silence.

Silence, in New York City.  How precious is that?  I can hear now that I’m listening for it the wind hit my living room window, but I haven’t heard anybody walk by or a single car on the street in over ten minutes.

I don’t want to move from the couch, I don’t want to loose this moment.

But there goes a car, and the silence is broken.

I remember when I was much younger and still living in California, I woke up one night during the Christmas season and I went to the bathroom.  While in the bathroom I looked out the window at the street on which I lived, and across the street at about 3 o’clock in the morning the neighbor’s Christmas lights were still on.

It is kind of strange that this moment has made such an impression on me that literally 10 years later, I still remember waking up, looking out a window and seeing those lights on.  But that’s one of the subtle magical things about Christmas, that even as the house is sleeping, something is still alive with…I don’t actually know what with.  An energy, a life, a magical feeling unique unto itself.

I want to leave my tree on all night tonight, just because it’s too beautiful to turn off right now.  But I will have to turn it off when I go to bed.

As for right now, I’m going to continue to enjoy this moment, just the two of us, the tree and I embracing a quiet in the universe.

For the record, I imagine the first Christmas was like this moment, a moment of absolute peace.

I love Christmas Specials

I love Christmas specials.  I mean it combines my favorite holiday with my favorite TV shows.  Now I’m not sure if I’ve talked about this yet, but the shows that I have been DVR-ing (aka my favorites) are:

The Office

30 Rock

Parks and Recreation

Vampire Diaries (shut up)

Modern Family

Cougar Town

Glee

Eastwick

So You Think You Can Dance

For the record, and this is off topic, all of these shows are amazing…well cougar town really isn’t but it’s trying to be.

I’m usually at work when these shows are on, so it’s always a great surprise when I finally have a moment to sit down and all these shows are waiting for me.

Yesterday I got to start watching this weeks episodes, and it was an extra special surprise because they were all Christmas episodes waiting for me!  Now, I won’t say that they have been the best episodes of the season, actually I would say they were some of the least funny episodes so far (I think christmas spirit over shadowed the comedy) but I have loved the specials.

Now for the point of this entry.  I realized after the second Christmas special that these are the last episodes of the fall season!  I’m so upset that I’m not going to have any new episodes until the new year.  It is slightly appropriate timing though because I do have a bunch of Christmas movies I want to start watching and quite frankly beyond my shows I record there’s not much on TV that I’m interested in watching.

Oh, I lied, there is one other thing.  One of my favorite holiday institutions, ABC’s 25 days of Christmas.  Mmmm, I love Christmas.

Well I must go get ready, I’m going XMas shopping with the boyfriend this afternoon.  Happy Holidays again!

Tis the Season

Happy Holiday’s everybody!

I am in a pretty good mood tonight, so I hope this post gets to reflect that.  The past two weeks have been pretty good.  I had a wonderful Thanksgiving in DC with the bf’s family.  It was amazing how recharged I felt afterwards, just getting out of the city for 2 days and being amongst family was wonderful.  The holiday did include a bit more travel than I would have liked, but it was well worth the sacrifice.

This past week I had a pretty good audition experience.  I went in for Storytime Live which is a touring show done by Nickelodeon featuring the popular Nick toons of today.  It did make me feel a bit old because I had heard of one of the 100 characters.

Anywho, I went in to sing, and they called me back to dance.  They kept me through the first cut after we started dancing.  That night they emailed me asking me back in two days later at a specific time with scenes for me to read over in the meantime.  I went in and sang and did the scenes, they asked me back a few times, and then it just kind of ended.

These auditions tend to end like that.  I never get to see anyone else’s auditions, so I’m left with a strange “Will I?  Won’t I?” feeling.  However, it was clear that I made it to the very end, so I thought my chances were pretty good.  So I emailed the casting agent, thanking them and asking when I might find out.  She was very nice, and appreciatively direct that they had already made their offers and my name wasn’t in the mix this time, but she really appreciated my time.

So all in all, I didn’t get the job, but several casting directors have seen me rock an audition.  And that is the mind set I’m trying to keep in.

Work continues well as ever.  Today, the bf had the day off (conveniently the same day I do) so we went to Target to get a few things, not the least of which were…

Christmas decorations!  I say every year that I am going to decorate for Christmas, and every year I just put it off, and put it off, but not this year!  We got a seven foot tree, several garland, lights, snowmen, etc.  Our apartment it so christmasy! (photo’s below)

This afternoon I was talking to my momma on the phone and it was such a wonderful moment in time.  The bf was putting up the tree, we had Christmas music on, I was drinking a Bailey’s hot chocolate, AND UPS delivered Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince a day early!  It was like an overload of holiday cheer!

I just finished making dinner (and another Bailey’s cocoa) and took some pictures of the decorations around the apartment.  The bf is playing some video games and I think I’m gonna put in some special features from HBP and continue this good feeling!

Here’s the Winter Scene above our TV

Santa’s Wrapping Corner

Our lovely Windows

And the TREE

P.S.  My pictures are really big so you can only see half of them here.  If you click on each picture you can see the whole thing