Halloween

I wish I were more excited that tonight is a major holiday, and one I typically love.  However I will be working from 12:30 in the afternoon till 2 in the morning.  Less than ideal.  Then I work again at noon the following day.  I just want this holiday to be over.  Working on major holidays isn’t fun either, done it before, never enjoyed it.  Though I do get to be Harry Potter tomorrow.

The other day we had a Halloween gathering at my apartment which put me in a really weird mood.  I HATE being scared, I never watch scary movies, I hate them.  My imagination goes into hyper drive, I never sleep the following few nights, they’re just always horrible.

Well I got pressured into it.  And then we told scary stories in the dark.  I was doing ok really, I was at least trying to remain detached from the situation so nothing hit me in any emotional hot spot.

Then the stories took a turn toward real life stories, like our friends who have been mugged recently, or asking a policeman on the subway why he’s there to be told that there’s some guy roaming that subway holding people at gunpoint.  Everything became really real and I was already in an uncmofortable zone and I went to a really dark place.

It took me about 2 and a half days to get out of the the horrible state of mind I was left in.  I am still too scared to listen to my ipod when I’m walking around the city, and just now I was panicking the entire ride home from work because it’s so late.

I hate being scared, and I never liked that side of Halloween.  I like a good Disney/Harry Potter Halloween, full of witches and pumpkins and things like that.

But as of sunday, we are officially in the holiday season, which means Christmas music is hard core coming out.  I need it anyway.

So, I’m off to bed.  Tomorrow no doubt will be a long day, as will the following.  I just can’t wait till Monday, my day off!

Been a long time

I know I know.  I haven’t posted in forever.  I’ve just been very busy recently getting in auditions here and there, and then I’m working at my restaurant.  Frankly I haven’t been updating because I’m so tired and whenever I’m actually home, all I want to do is shut off for a little while.  But I’ve been getting threatening messages from family members wondering where I’ve gone, and I’m ready a bit early, so I thought I would sit down and do a brief summary of what’s been going on.

So I’m well into my job by now.  I’ve been gaining a lot of skills from it, bartending and serving, but recently I have started getting really stressed.  You see the owner was supposed to get back sometime in October, but no one knew exactly when.

Since I started working at this place I’ve been hearing horror stories about this guy.  Basically everyone says he yells a lot, is very in your face, and then he calms down and can be a really cool guy.  With my co-workers talking about him all the time I started getting really freaked out.  I mean, I hate job hunting, and the last thing I wanted was to get fired or feel pressured to quit, and then be out pounding pavement again.

My dad gave me good advice.  First, if he ever gets confrontational with me, I need to find all the confidence I am capable of, because retreating like some defeated flower would only fuel his fire.  Second, I have no control over other people, only the way that I react to them.

What I ended up doing is detaching myself from work a bit.  It’s just a job for now, I don’t need to invest too much in it.  I want to show up and do a good job everyday, but beyond that I can’t nor do I want to expect anything.

The fear of this owner was worse than anything, it was the unknown.  I had my doubts about the stories people had told me, because the main guy who rambles on about the owner is kind of hot headed and over dramatic himself.  I just wanted to meet the owner for myself and know what to expect.

Last night I finally did.  He kind of reminds me of Vince Vaughn.  So far I would say he is just intimidating.  First of all he is REALLY tall.  But all in all I think I liked him.  He is intense and there were a few awkward moments where he would get very direct with us about something he didn’t like (most of the time, not my fault-like our restaurant not having enough water glasses).

I did a really good job of at least making myself look busy the entire night.  I didn’t have much one on one interaction because I had full tables and was running around most of the time, and I think I was doing a good job.

So the initial shock is over with, and I’m glad for that.  This weekend is going to be long though.  I usually have fridays off, but was called in yesterday, I work a late shift tonight, and then pull my first double tomorrow (covering someone).  Monday will be salvation when it comes.

One thing I’m kind of sad about is my backwards schedule now.  The female roommate and I talked about how we as waiters have our weekend during the week.  I still have days off but it’s kind of weird that it’s not the same as everyone else’s.  Also, the bf works days, and I work nights, so on the weekends we are two ships passing in the night.  I usually get to see him before he leaves if I get up early enough, but he has to be asleep by the time I get home.  Last weekend I literally only saw him while he was asleep.

I’m excited for Halloween.  Working it won’t be very fun, it’s the busiest night of the year at my restaurant so I’ll be pretty beat from it.  But then we are officially in the home stretch for the most wonderful time of the year.  And…da mama is coming out to visit me in a few weeks.  I’m really excited for that.

Well, I’ve posted.  I really want to turn off now.  So I am going to.

Rocky Waters

I know I need to update, so I’m finally getting around to it.

The job is going well.  I survived the weekend (working several long shifts in a row) and I’m making some good money.  I’m still happy with it and everything, there’s just a little bit of anxiety that comes with the job.  

Everyday someone says something to me at work that just turns my stomach a little bit.  Like the other day one of the head waiters was talking to me about the manager (who I’ve heard many horror stories about, but he’s in Italy till the end of the month) and said how he’s put in a good word for me, blah blah blah.  And then he ended it with saying something to the effect of “but now you really need to step your game up.” 

I’m sure in his mind he was just tossing this in there, but it really unsettled me.  It’s kind of like each shift I do SOMETHING wrong, and it makes me nervous.  I’m probably just concerned about getting fired and that makes me anxious and puts me in a position where I just want to please.

I’m also a little frustrated with the scheduling right now.  Since I’m still new they haven’t really given me set days to work, or expect or anything.  So I’ve pretty much been finding out when my next shift is the day of, or night before.  I’m tired of that.  I want to be more assertive and get more reliability from everyone there, but I still feel like I walk on rocky ground in there.

So I called in today asking about my schedule and the shift head was like “Oh, I thought you were supposed to call yesterday, but I have you down for 4.”  I had yesterday off, and I needed the day off, and no one told me to call, so I just recharged the whole day and did some stuff for myself.  And now I feel nervous about going in again.

Whatever.  I’m still working on building up my server’s skin if you will.  I also want to be able to look at this job as it is, something to bring in money for a while.  It is temporary and I don’t have to invest a whole lot in it.  But finding just one job was so hard that I really don’t want to screw it up and have to start looking again from scratch.

I hate that about my moods, how quickly and completely they can shift on me.  Just one off remark can throw me for an entire afternoon.  That’s why I don’t think I’m ideal for New York.  At least for now.  Building up a thick skin obviously takes time, and I do think I’m tougher now then I was two months ago when I got here.

And the last final piece of news, our stove finally works!  The super came and turned it all on yesterday.  I don’t even want to go into how it’s finally working, because the point is, it IS working.  And then I already had plans to eat out last night, and tonight I work…Someday I’ll cook again.