An echo of the past

I’m just gonna say this real quick because I could focus and do an in depth post on it, but I’d rather wait until later and write about some of the great things that have recently happened.

This should sound an exact echo of about 2 years ago, but I HATE job searching.  Nothing makes me feel like I lack any useful skills like having to find a survival job.  I think I’m a bad B.S.er because I know that I see incompetence every where, and I constantly think to myself “How did this person get this job?”  And yet I look at places that are hiring, positions that are open, and I can’t help but think “What is my BFA useful for!?”

Don’t get me wrong, over the last 2 years I have gotten way better at going into a room and leaving with an acting gig.  I feel border line competent at that now.  These survival jobs never get easier.

I’m just having minor panic attacks, because as more and more time passes, and my savings go down and down, my anxiety rises, and I start feeling desperate.  I’m not in the danger zone by a long shot yet, but I don’t want to get there either!

Bottom line, I want a job.  I want the money, and frankly I would like to have something to do other than wait around for auditions to start back up.

In the mean while, I’m glad the weather has turned around.  I love summer weather and sun, and that grey stuff we were getting wasn’t doing anything to help my mood.

So pray for me folks.  Thanks.

PS, I’ll try and write more tonight on happier subject matter.

The Halfway Visit

Greetings from Ohio.  So I am about halfway through the run of my show, and I was blessed with two visits this last week.  They couldn’t have come at a better time, though now that they are over I can’t help feeling a little sad.

First of all, the bf and his mom drove in from DC on Wednesday night.  My god was it good to see him.  One of the women in my cast put it perfectly.  Sensing that once again I was in a happy, centered place she reflected that it’s nice to be reminded you can feel complete again.  I actually cried just writing that.

I love him so much and have spent too much time away from him in recent months and I feel like there is a part of myself missing when he isn’t with me.  I miss his companionship, his witticism, and his grounding effect on me.  He got to stay for about 2 and a half days which was nice but obviously not enough.  I was feeling really low when he left on saturday.

But there was a silver lining.  My mother and my sister in law came in on saturday night to see my show sunday.  I haven’t seen them since I went home for my family reunion this July.  I had a really great time, again being around my family centers me, picks me up, and in an entirely different way makes me feel a little more complete.

Today I had the day off, so we drove down to the Township of Anderson, where I used to live 15 years ago.  We hit all of the old haunts.  We saw the old neighborhood, the old house, the swim club where I spent my summers, the church where I spent a lot of time and went to preschool, my elementary school, the place where we used to go to get ice cream (and of course got some ourselves).

15 years, I swear it looked as though nothing had changed.  Memory after memory came flooding back, it was a trip man.  It fascinating to look at the world with the eyes I have today vs. how I saw it when I was 9.  But I can definitely say, we had a pretty killer home when we lived here.

I just had to say adieu to my mom and sister cause they had to catch a flight back to AZ.  So now I’m here feeling a little grey (not helped by virtue of the fact that it has been completely overcast the last 3 days).  I have the rest of the day and tomorrow off and I really feel the need to be active, and actively around people.

I have been fighting a lonely feeling since I got here.  Being away from home and the people I love is always hard, but I have felt fairly isolated since I got here.  Part of it is because I live in a bubble, where anything that I might NEED I have right around me.  But I don’t have to freedom to move around.  I get the feeling often that I’m trapped, and partly I have done this to myself.  I’m not always the best at saying yes to things.  When opportunities arise, when events or outings happen, I can get a little stuck in the mud and say “no” in an effort to be safe.  But safe is boring.

The idea that I am going to be here for another month is incredibly daunting.  I am grateful that I am given the opportunity to perform and to do what I love, but it certainly makes me re evaluate what I ultimately want to achieve when I am away from the life I love this long.  That I don’t get to see the bf for 4 weeks breaks my heart, a phone call isn’t enough.  Thank god his power to calm me down knows no bounds.

I’m thinking I’m going to try and pick back up on my writing.  I’ve never really accomplished anything with it, but quite frankly I’ve never really needed it as much as I do now.  Maybe it’s the right time and I have the right motivation.  We will see.

I love you all, I miss you all, I can’t wait to be back and see the faces that I have been missing for what feels like forever.  I hope everyone is enjoying this change of seasons.  I love that Halloween is just around the corner, and I do have to say Ohio knows how to make it look and feel like Halloween.

Goodbye Dolly

I have not updated in a long time and I think that this might become a theme for when I’m doing a show.  Whenever I get these contracts to do shows out of town it feels like I go off to summer camp for a month or two.   I keep thinking to myself I need to update, but then I decide I’m either too tired or too busy.

Anywho, I have spent the last month in Narragansett, Rhode Island performing in Hello Dolly at Theatre by the Sea.  I think I can say with almost full certainty that it has been one of the greatest theatrical experiences of my life.

First of all, I was performing in lovely Rhode Island, right by the beach.  This last week has been a little toasty, but for the most part we had gorgeous weather.

Second of all I got to perform in a show with a Tony Award winning actress.  That’s not something that happens everyday.  Watching her process as she learned and grew in the part was education and thrilling.  It was also inspiring because she was such a beautifully warm person who cared so much about the cast.  This is a show where everyone supports the leading lady, and everyone loved supporting her because she was so wonderful on and off stage.

Lastly I had a wonderful cast to bond with.  Again, shows are a summer camp-like experience and so our relationship as a cast is kind of like a dream.  We spend enough time with each other to grow really close and little enough time to get on each other’s nerves.  Not that I’m saying we would have gotten on each other’s nerves, but the option never really existed.

I met some pretty cool people and made some really nice friends and it’s always really sad when you have to finally say good bye.

Over the years I have learned how to say goodbye, I’ve had to do it often.  For that reason I am pretty good at keeping a level head when things come to a close and it’s time to hug it out.  (I know I get nostalgic and post a weeping blog or two, but in the moment I’m usually one of the very collected ones).

This show did something to me.  Last night we had our closing performance and it was going fine.  Then we got to the big number, “Hello Dolly” where all the ensemble lines up for Dolly’s big entrance and she gets to come down the red stairs in her gorgeous red dress.

Well that moment hit our leading lady a little hard last night and when she entered she couldn’t keep the tears from flowing. There were moments in the song where she had to collect herself and there was not a person on stage who was not immensely hit by the moment.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.  It was a true moment of theatre where what we were doing on stage was exactly what the story called for.  Every ensemble member was beaming at the sight of her, there were tears we were all so happy, nothing else mattered and it almost felt like the audience wasn’t even there.

Then during our curtain call, our leading lady entered to her standing ovation and then turned to take a bow to us.  Something about it all was too much and that’s when I started crying, and I know I was not alone on that stage.

Some of the cast had to leave immediately from there, so we had to begin our goodbyes, and throughout the night more and more people kept leaving, and it hit me in the stomach each time one of them did.

My roommate had to catch a real early morning flight and we didn’t want to do our goodbye last night so he even woke me up at the crack of dawn for our moment, which thankfully I was half asleep for otherwise it would’ve been much messier.

And now I’m on the train back to the city.  I’ve been a mess of emotions all day and I think it’s going to continue into tonight.  Thank goodness I have a vacation starting tomorrow (going to AZ with the bf!)

Also, my family got to come out to see my closing weekend of Hello Dolly!  It meant so much to me that they came out to see the show, even when I’m in the ensemble they are right there.  That certainly added to all the emotions of the weekend.

Last week my bf and his family also came to see the show, I swear I am the luckiest guy in the world sometimes.  I have just been surrounded by love this week, and all while I pursue my dreams.  [disclaimer: I am operating under very little sleep so as I become more profound forgive me if I also become less intelligible]

All in all I had a really wonderful time in RI, I wish it could have been longer, I wish that it never had to end, but it was a party and it was time for us all to go home.  The theatre community is pretty awesome, one of the reasons it’s hard to say goodbye to people, but at the same time I know that I’ll be seeing a lot if not all of the people soon sometime down the road.

Edit:  So I wrote the first part of this blog while I was on the train back to NYC.  Now I’m back in the city and I have to say it’s amazing how short this experience felt.  Stepping out in the city it felt like yesterday was when I was getting on the train to Rhode Island.  This month passed in the blink of an eye!  I swear.

I’m really sad to be home, I’m already missing my Dolly cast, but happy things fortunately on the horizon!

God I Hope I Get It

Today was a hell of a day.  I had a call back for a national tour of a Chorus Line.  The callback went really well, I made it through multiple cuts, and I have been called back again for next week.

First of all, I love this show.  It is one of my all time favorites and I want to be in a production, any production.  Cap on the fact that it’s as legit a production as this is and I would just be in heaven.  The production team includes people from the original production re creating the original Michael Bennet Choreography.

So around 5:15 they told me they wanted to see me again, I walked outside into the beautiful spring weather we had today (75 degrees!) called work and got the Ok to not come in, so I just wandered around the city a bit while I called my mom to gush about my day

Now I have a free friday on my hands!  I actually would really like to go out, but most everyone is either out of town or working tonight.  Just my fortune.  However it’s probably for the best, I have pasta cooking, a glass of red wine and a few new movies I still haven’t gotten to break in yet.  I think it’s going to be a good night.

Now I don’t know what is going to happen with this audition.  I have gotten this close before and not gotten it, I know chances are still slim and I have a lot still to prove, but as my dad said all I can rely on is my preparation, and that’s exactly what I plan to do: be as prepared as I humanly can by next week so I can prove just why I deserve to be in this show.

So just as the opening song says…

About Time

My mother has begun getting on me to update, and it’s been over a month so I figured I did need to give lifeinhyperbole a little love.  I don’t know why I haven’t been updating recently, I don’t have a real good excuse.  I just haven’t been in much of a mood to write.  Even now I’m kind of updating begrudgingly so it might not be a long post…we will see.  stream of conscious.

I can’t believe that we are almost at the end of April.  Where did this month go?  March stands out very vividly in my mind because I went to about one audition every single day for the entire month.  Summer season is coming up (summer stock, etc.) so March was full of auditions.  I can’t tell you why, though, but every audition was at least twice as full as they were last fall.  It was insane.

I’m used to going to a singer’s call several hours early (aka around 8 am for the 10 am call) with the intention of being seen around 2 pm.  I love going to dancer calls because I’d usually show up a half hour early just so I could warm up and then be in one of the first groups and done by lunch.  This hasn’t been the case this spring.

One of the first calls I went to I got to 2 and a half hours early, and I was number 279.  I think I was seen around 5 pm, because I kind of snuck in where other names had been crossed out.

So that month passed.  I felt good about everything.  Of the auditions I went to I was called back for most all of them, which is definitely a step in the right direction and more than a lot of people I know were accomplishing.  It’s just rough out there.  The economy (so I’m told, I am not-despite what some may think- a financial expert) is supposedly turning around, but the theatre is still hurting, and you can see that reflected in the faces of every out of work actor at these cattle calls.

In the end I got a job offer.  I don’t want to go too much into it yet, because I’m hoping…praying that it might become a bigger job offer, so when I have my final contract I’ll let you all know.  But suffice to say for at least a month and a half this summer I will be singing and dancing and living on a private beach.

I also went back to my restaurant.  I told everyone, including myself, that I wasn’t going to do this.  My restaurant is just embarrassing some times and is sketchy on so many levels, and I wanted a better restaurant.  But with all the auditions I was doing it was nice to have a job where I didn’t have to worry about making it to work on time when a call was going a little late.

Spring has also come, which I’m extremely happy about.  I love seeing leaves on trees again, and bright sunny days with blue skies.  However, my allergies have never hit me like they did this year.  The day before easter it started, and then easter sunday I couldn’t even leave my apartment I felt so horrible.  I would, however, be willing to become a spokesperson for zyrtec after these past few weeks.  That’s a product I believe in.

Well I’m gonna end it there.  I’ll try and post again this week.  I really want to take a day where I can bring my computer to the park or something and update from there.  I love updating my post from places that aren’t my apartment couch.  The only problem is that means I have to leave my apartment couch.

It’s been a While

I fully recognize that I have not posted in a really long time.  I’ve just been kind of uninspired recently.  But today is a rainy saturday, and I have already been to an audition and then the gym, so now I have a few uneventful hours ahead of me and I think it is the perfect time to bring everyone back up to speed.

The show ended well, it ended up being so much fun.  I haven’t done a dance show that ran as long as this one, so it was cool seeing how the show evolved over the coarse of the performances.  I was in a lot of numbers, and it was impossible to have a “perfect” show.  Each night at least something got a little fudged.  But for that reason, the show was kind of this fantastic beast that we tried to tackle each night, and each night it wiggled away from us for just a second in a new and cunning way.

The final performance was probably the highlight performance of the run.  Energy was amazing, the audience was great, and it was just a good way to go out.  All in all I think the theater would have liked to have had a bit more of an audience, but especially the last weekend the weather could not have been worse.

New England got hit with a massive nor’easter on thursday, which happened to be the day we had to get back up to New Hampshire.  So the cast and I had a wonderful 8 hour day of travel through crazy blizzard conditions.  Ironically, New Hampshire was warmer so it was down pouring when we got there.  Also the wind was intense (like hurricane intense) and left a good part of the city without power for the rest of our run.

Here are just a couple pics I took of Manchester:

This was our cast house.  I’m 85% sure that I was allergic to something in this house, because my allergies would flare like crazy whenever I was in it.  I’d leave for rehearsal and get better all day, get back at night and immediately I would feel the sinuses start to scream.

This would be the lovely street that is also home to the Palace theatre.  beautiful beautiful theatre, it was really great to perform in it.

So now I’m back in the city.  I left to come back to New York the next morning, and I do have to say the trip ended up being much longer than I would have expected, partly because the turn over in Boston was less than smooth (it included being dropped off on the opposite side of the city from the bus, the T line being down, and my travel partner almost getting one overed by Megabus)

But I’m back, and back to reality.  The last two weeks I have been auditioning like crazy, literally minimum of one audition per day.  I feel like I have been really productive in going to all these calls, but at the same time it is really draining going to audition after audition.  I just want someone to hire me!  Especially with the summer season coming up, I would love to get cast in someone’s season.

I’ve had the luxury of having time to catch up with lost time with the bf and some friends in the city as well.  Last night I got to go to a bday party for a cast member of mine from Swing Fever and then meet up with some friends from school who were in town.

The bf has been in DC the hast few days but he finally gets back tonight.  That means that I had to do a major clean up of the apartment before he got here.

Recently I’ve spent a lot of time killing time.  Be it at an audition waiting to be seen, or in the apartment waiting for a call.  I don’t like all this down time which is why I’ve been taking a lot of dance classes and spending a good amount of time in the gym everyday.

However, on a rainy day like today I don’t even feel the least bit guilty about not doing anything.  I even lit the Christmas candles (technically not XMas, just vanilla and pine) that we still have, and it makes the apartment feel so warm and cozy.  Maybe I’ll even change back into my pjs.

So that’s all for now.  I hope to be better about blogging now, so my next post should be sooner than later.

He Is Outta Here!

I got cast in a show!  I auditioned for it yesterday, got the call offering me a role this morning, and I leave tomorrow afternoon.  It’s all happening so incredibly fast it’s like a whirlwind!

I didn’t realize the show started rehearsals so soon when I auditioned, and if I had known I would have been a little bit more trepiditious auditioning.  But I can’t over exaggerate how excited I am.  This is my first paying, professional job.

It’s a dance show in New Hampshire (Manchester to be exact, never been to the state) so I’ll be rehearsing most every single day for the next two weeks, then we go into performance.  I’m excited that I’m going to be dancing every day for so much time.  I’m trying to pack right now, which basically means I’m bringing all of my athletic clothing and then some really warm clothes too.

I’m starting to process what all of this means.  I’ve just felt overwhelmed for the last few hours, getting all my travel arrangements under way, calling family, teachers, and work.  It was just throwing me off that I would be leaving tomorrow, and that means I have to get a lot of things together.

I also had to call and talk to the bf.  He actually went down to DC this week to spend some time with his family and won’t be getting back until friday.  So I won’t get a chance to see him before I leave.  I’m really sad about that, but I should be getting a chance to come back to the city a few times in the next month so it won’t be too long till I get to see him.

I’m trying to get everything together, but I don’t know entirely what I need to bring, and I also need to wait for my laundry to finish to complete packing.  Other than that, I now feel like I have so much to do, and then when  try to do something I realize I have nothing I can do right now.  whooooooooooo.

So, New Hampshire, you ready for me?

Halloween

I wish I were more excited that tonight is a major holiday, and one I typically love.  However I will be working from 12:30 in the afternoon till 2 in the morning.  Less than ideal.  Then I work again at noon the following day.  I just want this holiday to be over.  Working on major holidays isn’t fun either, done it before, never enjoyed it.  Though I do get to be Harry Potter tomorrow.

The other day we had a Halloween gathering at my apartment which put me in a really weird mood.  I HATE being scared, I never watch scary movies, I hate them.  My imagination goes into hyper drive, I never sleep the following few nights, they’re just always horrible.

Well I got pressured into it.  And then we told scary stories in the dark.  I was doing ok really, I was at least trying to remain detached from the situation so nothing hit me in any emotional hot spot.

Then the stories took a turn toward real life stories, like our friends who have been mugged recently, or asking a policeman on the subway why he’s there to be told that there’s some guy roaming that subway holding people at gunpoint.  Everything became really real and I was already in an uncmofortable zone and I went to a really dark place.

It took me about 2 and a half days to get out of the the horrible state of mind I was left in.  I am still too scared to listen to my ipod when I’m walking around the city, and just now I was panicking the entire ride home from work because it’s so late.

I hate being scared, and I never liked that side of Halloween.  I like a good Disney/Harry Potter Halloween, full of witches and pumpkins and things like that.

But as of sunday, we are officially in the holiday season, which means Christmas music is hard core coming out.  I need it anyway.

So, I’m off to bed.  Tomorrow no doubt will be a long day, as will the following.  I just can’t wait till Monday, my day off!

Been a long time

I know I know.  I haven’t posted in forever.  I’ve just been very busy recently getting in auditions here and there, and then I’m working at my restaurant.  Frankly I haven’t been updating because I’m so tired and whenever I’m actually home, all I want to do is shut off for a little while.  But I’ve been getting threatening messages from family members wondering where I’ve gone, and I’m ready a bit early, so I thought I would sit down and do a brief summary of what’s been going on.

So I’m well into my job by now.  I’ve been gaining a lot of skills from it, bartending and serving, but recently I have started getting really stressed.  You see the owner was supposed to get back sometime in October, but no one knew exactly when.

Since I started working at this place I’ve been hearing horror stories about this guy.  Basically everyone says he yells a lot, is very in your face, and then he calms down and can be a really cool guy.  With my co-workers talking about him all the time I started getting really freaked out.  I mean, I hate job hunting, and the last thing I wanted was to get fired or feel pressured to quit, and then be out pounding pavement again.

My dad gave me good advice.  First, if he ever gets confrontational with me, I need to find all the confidence I am capable of, because retreating like some defeated flower would only fuel his fire.  Second, I have no control over other people, only the way that I react to them.

What I ended up doing is detaching myself from work a bit.  It’s just a job for now, I don’t need to invest too much in it.  I want to show up and do a good job everyday, but beyond that I can’t nor do I want to expect anything.

The fear of this owner was worse than anything, it was the unknown.  I had my doubts about the stories people had told me, because the main guy who rambles on about the owner is kind of hot headed and over dramatic himself.  I just wanted to meet the owner for myself and know what to expect.

Last night I finally did.  He kind of reminds me of Vince Vaughn.  So far I would say he is just intimidating.  First of all he is REALLY tall.  But all in all I think I liked him.  He is intense and there were a few awkward moments where he would get very direct with us about something he didn’t like (most of the time, not my fault-like our restaurant not having enough water glasses).

I did a really good job of at least making myself look busy the entire night.  I didn’t have much one on one interaction because I had full tables and was running around most of the time, and I think I was doing a good job.

So the initial shock is over with, and I’m glad for that.  This weekend is going to be long though.  I usually have fridays off, but was called in yesterday, I work a late shift tonight, and then pull my first double tomorrow (covering someone).  Monday will be salvation when it comes.

One thing I’m kind of sad about is my backwards schedule now.  The female roommate and I talked about how we as waiters have our weekend during the week.  I still have days off but it’s kind of weird that it’s not the same as everyone else’s.  Also, the bf works days, and I work nights, so on the weekends we are two ships passing in the night.  I usually get to see him before he leaves if I get up early enough, but he has to be asleep by the time I get home.  Last weekend I literally only saw him while he was asleep.

I’m excited for Halloween.  Working it won’t be very fun, it’s the busiest night of the year at my restaurant so I’ll be pretty beat from it.  But then we are officially in the home stretch for the most wonderful time of the year.  And…da mama is coming out to visit me in a few weeks.  I’m really excited for that.

Well, I’ve posted.  I really want to turn off now.  So I am going to.

Rocky Waters

I know I need to update, so I’m finally getting around to it.

The job is going well.  I survived the weekend (working several long shifts in a row) and I’m making some good money.  I’m still happy with it and everything, there’s just a little bit of anxiety that comes with the job.  

Everyday someone says something to me at work that just turns my stomach a little bit.  Like the other day one of the head waiters was talking to me about the manager (who I’ve heard many horror stories about, but he’s in Italy till the end of the month) and said how he’s put in a good word for me, blah blah blah.  And then he ended it with saying something to the effect of “but now you really need to step your game up.” 

I’m sure in his mind he was just tossing this in there, but it really unsettled me.  It’s kind of like each shift I do SOMETHING wrong, and it makes me nervous.  I’m probably just concerned about getting fired and that makes me anxious and puts me in a position where I just want to please.

I’m also a little frustrated with the scheduling right now.  Since I’m still new they haven’t really given me set days to work, or expect or anything.  So I’ve pretty much been finding out when my next shift is the day of, or night before.  I’m tired of that.  I want to be more assertive and get more reliability from everyone there, but I still feel like I walk on rocky ground in there.

So I called in today asking about my schedule and the shift head was like “Oh, I thought you were supposed to call yesterday, but I have you down for 4.”  I had yesterday off, and I needed the day off, and no one told me to call, so I just recharged the whole day and did some stuff for myself.  And now I feel nervous about going in again.

Whatever.  I’m still working on building up my server’s skin if you will.  I also want to be able to look at this job as it is, something to bring in money for a while.  It is temporary and I don’t have to invest a whole lot in it.  But finding just one job was so hard that I really don’t want to screw it up and have to start looking again from scratch.

I hate that about my moods, how quickly and completely they can shift on me.  Just one off remark can throw me for an entire afternoon.  That’s why I don’t think I’m ideal for New York.  At least for now.  Building up a thick skin obviously takes time, and I do think I’m tougher now then I was two months ago when I got here.

And the last final piece of news, our stove finally works!  The super came and turned it all on yesterday.  I don’t even want to go into how it’s finally working, because the point is, it IS working.  And then I already had plans to eat out last night, and tonight I work…Someday I’ll cook again.